My titles are never an accurate representation of my blog. But they are true!
Ah. I never know where to even begin for these posts. There have been a lot of things on my heart lately and lots of things I’ve been wrestling through since before leaving America and am continuing to see God work in here. Hmm. This week was a tough one. Physically…spiritually…emotionally. I almost lost it at one point…which just so happened to be during a discussion with “Grandee”, an old women who gave us sweet potatoes and is a Jehovah’s Witness. We went back to her hut because she wanted to discuss “Jesus is God”, which she doesn’t believe.
Okay…so that’s what this post can be about.
Yea, we do a lot of playing with street kids and teaching in schools and visiting the hospitals…etc. A lot of “good things”…a lot of things that may or may not have a lasting effect if I’m being honest. And it’s discouraging to see how little we can actually do for these people, because as far as physical standard of living, they need a lot more than I can provide for them. And it sucks that I can’t always, if ever, be that for them. So many things are a challenge here. Getting to know people without them wanting money from you. Discerning who to help, when. Having enough energy to get up every day and repeat. And then encountering these people who claim to know the same Jesus who has so radically defined me, but claiming He is something different than what I’ve been taught my whole life. And yes. I’ve learned so, so much just in the last week about my Jesus and why I believe what I do and why I think what I think while Somer, John, Logan and I prepared to talk to Grandee…and even throughout all of this prayer and “research”, I keep thinking about how my friends and acquaintances that don’t believe what I do would react to it all…because I know how it sounds. And despite the fact that I’m believing something I have not visually witnessed in my life, I choose to because I’ve seen the impact of it, know I’m a completely different person than I would be if I didn’t believe it.
So here’s what’s been bugging me. The fact that I know and believe this and still fail to speak about it on so many occasions. And yea, there’s a good chance that if I spoke about it, it would be awkward. Yes, there’s a good chance I could potentially offend or make someone uncomfortable…or just sound crayzay.
For a long time I had the mindset “preach the gospel at all times and when necessary, use words” …and not that I actually succeed at that, but it’s what I’ve always aimed for. But that doesn’t seem good enough anymore. Because I have the option to use words. I have the option to not be ambiguous and cloudy and confusing. I have the option to tell people about what they could have and what my God has done in my life. A few Facebook statuses with Bible verses…or Christian lyrics don’t really seem to cut it. I have the option to try to help people with the only thing that has ever really helped me, because I love them…but I choose not to because it’s awkward and there’s a good chance they might not buy it. I play it off as me not wanting to make SOMEONE ELSE uncomfortable. But I’ve realized it’s completely selfish. I have such an annoying fear of coming off as close-minded or unaware of other perspectives that I’m withholding the one thing I actually believe could help. The cost of an awkward situation…or even, worst case scenario, a messed up friendship…just seems like an inadequate excuse when compared to the potential gain of a life with Jesus in it. Ah. I could go on and on…
Anyways. Just a tiny snippet of my thoughts on all this. So yea. I don’t know how this will manifest itself after I leave Africa…we’ll see. BUT this post is getting really long…which means no ones going to want to read it. So I’m cutting it off…but it’s just one of many things that has been on my mind lately.
Haha I guess the talk with Grandee just added fuel to these thoughts…but we’re going back next Saturday to talk more. Prayers for that would be super appreciated.
Uh and I guess I should throw in a few fun Africa moment memories.
VALENTINES DAY. So glad not to be in America for this holiday…But we made heart valentines with little notes and passed them out to the people at the hospital yesterday. I don’t know if they could actually understand any of the notes…but they seem to be big fans of the fake flowers that we gave them. Bam.
Haha…and this note I got from one of the girls at the primary school. Verbatim.
“Dearmarissa,
Hi! Iam ver happy to write foryouagain. I want you to know this. My mom is very and very happy to hearedthat you are my bestfriend I have. She is so happy. I live with my momandher children. Her childrenhave pray foryou and your friends. Today Iam notfilling wel. Iiam praying for you and your friends. Thanks
From
Zubeda
Zawfosd (crossed out)”
Also…this kid.
