Freely you have recieved, freely you give

Something I've noticed in my life is the vast majority of things I see. I see beautiful things- I see children's smiles when I wave to them, I see Zebras, I see baby giraffes licking my face, I see the sun rise over the mountains in Kenya, I see my team mates laughing until we cry. I also see tragic things- I see sickness, I see poverty, I see hopelessness, I see pain, and I see grief. This week I've spent time doing both.
I would like to take this blog post to tell you the story of a little boy named Aroke Dennis and how God is continuing to redeem my past, even here in Uganda.

In my previous post I talked a little about Child Restoration Outreach and some of the boys there. On Friday a group of us went back to CRO to spend some time with the boys. I was looking forward to a lighthearted day- full of dancing and laughing. While the day was full of smiles and giggles, it was also full of a lot of other things. Three other girls and myself were spending time under a mango tree with some boys just taking when a little boy named Dennis came up. As soon as I laid eyes on him I just got this feeling. I felt like I needed to pray. So I did. I didn't know what to pray for or what to say, but I just trusted that the spirit would inter-seed on my behalf. I noticed that Dennis was a wanderer. He just walked freely, even as the rest of the boys were sitting and laughing with the crazy white girls. I noticed his feet were much thicker than the rest of his scrawny body because he had no shoes and they had been built up to resist the rough rocks and gravel beneath his toes. Now these are fairy common characteristics to find in a street boy here in Uganda- but there was one thing Dennis did that was MUCH different that his peers. He had seizures. I don't know why Dennis seized, I don't know much about anything medical. The other children on the street don't know what is going on with him, they think he has just gone "mad" or crazy. So when they saw him begin to seize, they would slap him. Slap him hard. It was the only way they knew how to get him out of it. He eventually would get out of it and was a bit confused. He didn't know that he was about to seize, so he thought the other boys just didn't like him and want to beat him. He reacted in self defense and a fight began. As soon as us girls saw what was going on we rebuked them. They were calm for some time but a little while later some of the boys called Dennis into the wash area. A little while later I see the boys leave and Dennis walk out with a bloody nose. I asked what was going on and another boy told me "they were beating". I noticed Dennis go behind the wash area so I walked over there to check on him. He was laying on a pile of rocks, surrounded by flies, over a puddle of his own blood. I went over to rub his back and offer any assistance that, me, a little white girl who knows NOTHING medical what so ever could. He spoke no english but there was a boy who had followed me and translated that he wanted me to leave him alone. Not wanting to push anything, I gave him some space. Myself and the other three girls kept and eye in his direction and continued playing with the other boys. At this point we were just flustered and a bit confused about what we could do. Honestly, I felt a little helpless. I noticed Dennis leave from where he was laying and go to wash off at the well. A few minutes later I noticed him wandering around a tree. It looked normal- like I said, he was a wanderer. The next time I look over I saw him hanging himself from a tree. The other boys at CRO were first to notice and ran over and did their best to break the branch from which he was hanging. Thankfully they were successful and he survived.  

Friday I saw a little boy attempt suicide. That is a sentence I never thought I would have to write. Friday, I watched a little child of God try and take his own life. Friday, I watched as a little boy, not much older than my own brother, come to a point of such despair that he felt it necessary to take his own life.
It is easy to see a situation and feel hopeless. It's easy to sit and feel angry at God as to why He would let this happen. But the funny part is- this is the part where God brought a little bit of redemption into my life.

Before we went out on Friday our leaders read Mathew 10:8 which says "freely you have received, freely give". In my past I struggled with anxiety, depression, and suicidal tenancies. But sense then, God has given me freedom from those things. I have been set free from those chains and made new. I had freely been given peace in my life and then I was given an opportunity to pray over a boy struggling with that same bondage and needed to be set free in Christ. There's just a little redemption in my opinion.  I wasn't even supposed to be at CRO. Fridays we don't go there, but we just went anyway. Dennis may not realize it- but God loves him SO MUCH that he sent us there so that there would be someone to speak truth into his life. So that there would be someone to fight on his behalf.

Later this week (Monday) I went to a significantly poor part of town and was spending time with some people. There, a met a woman named Janet. After talking to her for a while I learned that she had been arrested for a suicide attempt and that she was contemplating doing it again. It just confirmed my disbelief in coincidences. It was not a coincidence that out of everyone in my group, she sat next to ME . It was just really cool to talk to her in a more personal way than I could have, had I not experienced some of the things I experienced in my past.

Through both of these encounters I saw how God can turn even the most discussing of pasts into something beautiful. I went through those things so that I would be made strong, but also so that I could fight for people going through the same thing. In John 9 Jesus tells the people that a particular man was made blind, not because he or his parents sinned, but that he was made blind so that the work of God could be shown through him. Now I was not miraculously healed. I didn't wake up one morning completely happy and at peace with my life. No. It was a process; it was hard, painful, and not pretty. But through it I found I had come to love the Lord in a much more intimate way. The work of the Lord was shown in me. And it turns out I found something much more beautiful than just happiness- I found joy. In THAT joy I find my strength. I find the strength to pray for boys like Dennis, even in a time where no hope can be found. And through my experiences I can share with and encourage people like Janet. Because I have come to know and experience the freedom in Christ. I have come to feel HIS love and HIS hope. God turned my past of pain, anger, and bitterness into a life full of peace, joy, and hope.

Love and miss you all back home very much! Won't be much longer until we meet again! It's a very bitter sweet time- but we are making the best of our time while we are still here! Blessings!

<3Darby

PS- sorry for another SUPER long blog. God's just doing a lot and I always want to share so much! This is the cut short version….