Wow. Where do I even begin? The last couple months have been all over the place. I have been happy, sad, frustrated, excited, and every emotion in between. As amazing as this adventure has been so far, I have experienced more weariness than I think I have in my whole life.
There has been weariness in every form: emotional, spiritual, physical. The emotional has come from everywhere. First of all, living in a house with 15 other people, not the easiest thing to jump into! Not that I don't love showering in a room where 3 other girls sleep without a door on the shower, ha! But yeah, it is hard never getting a single moment to be alone. And learning to have grace towards people that never refill the toilet paper in the squatty or don't wash their breakfast dishes, so you have no dishes to use for supper! And just learning to express emotions in a loving, Godly way has been difficult as well. There are so many things that happen on a daily basis emotionally, sometimes it feels like I'm on a roller coaster.
Spiritual weariness is also something I have experienced a lot of. God is working inside of me and it is absolutely amazing. I am not even the same person I was 3 months ago. But as awesome as it is, it really sucks sometimes. When God starts molding and shaping and chipping away things that He doesn't want there anymore, it hurts and it's hard and it is draining. Also, our ministry is not at all what most of us expected in coming to Africa. We do not see results on a day to day basis. We sit and talk to teenage boys all day about things like how many cows our bride price would be, or the illuminati. And sometimes it is hard to remember why God brought us to this place.
And then there is physical weariness: no sleep, ALL of the walking up huge hills, and most of all, malaria. Sickness has been a big part of this trip for several of us. And being sick has only added to the spiritual and emotional weariness.
But as much as all of that has sucked at times, and been really hard, God has been working so much. I don't want it to sound like his whole time so far has been awful, because it hasn't. It has probably been 3 of the best months of my life! It has been hard growing spiritually, but seeing the ways that God has changed my heart is so worth anything I'll ever have to go through to get where He wants me.
And living in a house full of people is hard and frustrating at times and sometimes I really struggle not to scream! But God has given me 15 amazing people to help me grow, to teach me patience and grace and what it really means to love, real love, 1 Corinthians 13 kinda love. He has given me 15 people to encourage me and uplift me when I am feeling down or missing my fiancé Teague. And all of that is worth no toilet paper and leaving late for everything.
And as much as it has sucked being sick with none of the comforts from home, and missing ministry and being exhausted all the time, God has taught me to rest. And not only to rest, but i rest in Him. He has taught me that sometimes, as badly as I hate to admit that I physically cannot walk up the hill from school because I am sick, I have to accept my physical weakness. He used it to remind me that even though He has blessed me with physical strength and the ability to do most things on my own, that it is ok to rely on other people for things, that its ok to ask for help and be vulnerable. And mostly He taught me that my own human strength and abilities will fail me every time and that the only strength I have, the only thing that will never fail, never waver, never let me down, is Him. God doesn't just want us to lean on Him when we have done all we can on our own, and now we need a little boost from Him. He wants our complete reliance on Him. We can't do anything without Him really and He has shown me that in every area of my life.
So not only has God spoken those things to me over the whole time I have been here, but this week He has rekindled a fire inside of me to do all I can for Him. It has been hard for me to work at a boys high school everyday. The work God has for us and is doing there is awesome, it's just not what God is calling me to for the rest of my life, and so it has been hard at times. Before this week, I knew that God had called me to Africa and that this is where I am going to be permanently, but I was having a hard time picturing myself here forever, because working at a boys school is not the desire God has placed in my heart. But this week God reminded me of the reason I am going to live here for the rest of my life.
Tuesday I got to spend the whole day with an organization called LADA. They do amazing work and it is pretty much exactly what I feel that God is calling me to do. They help communities build and make sustainable resources so that they can support themselves. They teach people to raise bees and then they buy the honey back from them so they can make an income for their families. They get communities involved in building wells so that they take ownership of it and take care of it and can have clean water to drink for their children. They sponsor kids and pay for their school fees so that they can get an education and not be stuck scrapping by for they rest of their lives. They had a nursery and grow fruit trees and plant them for people. This and so much more and it is amazing to see an organization that truly loves The Lord and cares about the people here and is working its butt off to do all they can to help the people here better themselves.
Then Wednesday I got to go with a project from the diocese that is focused on families with special needs children. They teach and equip women to grow chili peppers and then they buy them back from the ladies so they can earn money to take care of these kids. They also hold a workshop once a month so families can bring their kids, have them checked out by a physical therapist, and be prayed for and ministered to. It is amazing what God is doing through this tiny project.
So yeah, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's not fun, and sometimes I wonder why God placed me here. But everyday He shows me something new and amazing about Himself and reminds me that He has a plan and is working in this place. Just like Wednesday, 2 boys at the school got saved! And Thursday at the village we met with a woman who had been an alcoholic and some of our team members prayed with her and talked with her about God the first couple weeks we were here, and when we talked to her Thursday, she said hasn't had a drink since the day they saw her the first time and her son got saved while we were there!
God is working and moving and changing lives in this place. He is using us even when we don't think we're being used. And He is changing me into who He has called me to be.
So yeah. Uganda is great, and God is amazing! Thank you for all of your prayers and please please please continue praying for me and my team as we finish up these last two weeks. That God would continue to show us His greatness and would continue to change the hearts of the beautiful people of Uganda.
Love you all and thank you again for all of your prayers, support and encouragement!
-Ash
