For my sharp-eyed readers, the title is drawn from C.S. Lewis, and I believe I've come to another point of misunderstanding a little less completely. This is not to say that I'm coming to understand a little more completely – as if I understood at all – or to say that I am stranded in the stagnancy of apathy. What I think C.S. Lewis was trying to say was exactly what I'm feeling right now: I don't know much of anything about God's greatness, but I do see slivers of it here and there.
I've preached twice now, once on June 3rd, and once on June 7th (at about 1am or so). Both the first time I preached it was at a lunch hour prayer, having expressed interest in doing so to my team leaders, and I spoke on obedience, suffering, and joy (and how they are interwoven and inextricably tied). I had an outline, but in the end I didn't use it, and I allowed (as if I had a choice in the matter) the Holy Spirit to move in me instead of relying on my own words. It was difficult, given the fact that I had to pause my thoughts every few moments for the translator to translate, but it was something I felt very strongly for, both the subject matter and the act of teaching the Word. The second time was at an all-night worship and prayer event, but this time I had been asked to preach, and I spoke on effective prayer. This time I had no outline, no plan, and no choice but to rely again on the Holy Spirit to bring to mind what He wanted me to say. And thus He did: I spoke and the words that came out were not my own.
The Holy Spirit speaks only what He hears from the Father, and I seek to speak only what I hear from the Holy Spirit. I pray that I will rely on Him more fully as time goes on. All that I am and anything worthwhile that I do is not of me, but is of the Lord, and He indeed is Lord.
My friends and family, I am praying for you. My heart goes out to you in ways I didn't anticipate. I cannot say how much I've wept for you all in my prayers. I pray that you might all feel renewal in His Spirit, that you can know the joy that is from the only Anchor for joy, the only Safe Harbor, the only Rock. I love you all, in a way I don't think I could have understood unless God had carried me so far from the arms of those I so dearly love. If you are reading this, then this message is for you, because my love is not a love of my own heart, but a shared love from the throne of grace. Seek the Advocate; deny the accuser. Cry out for a willing heart and receive once more the joy of salvation. Pray unceasingly for the lost, and lift up the brothers and sisters in prayer daily. For the Lord will honor a contrite and sincere heart. Remember: the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. We are made righteous by Christ's righteousness, and so we can pray with confidence, and wait with confidence, and sing with confidence. The joy of the Lord is our strength; joy is not about what is good, but about Who is good.
Please pray for the health and willingness of my team in these final weeks. We have faith that when you pray that God will answer compassionately. I wish I could have more communication outside of these blogs, but for now this is really all that I have. My time is limited, and I assure you that when I am back in the states I will be much more responsive to all of you. For now, I ask that you understand and grant me grace as I have little access to the computer and communication.
God wins. And I am a warrior running in the wake of His victory.
Benjamin S. Campbell
@the_passport
