Missionary life isn't everything it's always cracked up to be. I know a lot of you have been saying how jealous you are of me being in Africa, and how you wish you could be here. But in reality, do you really wish you were here?
Because i'm going to be real right now and say it is so hard being here. It's so hard being away from everything you have ever known. It's lonely, and I find my heart longing for the comfort of everything back home. I battle with my mind every single day. I fight for my heart to be here. I fight the Enemy off
every single day. And that's exhausting. I'm spiritually exhausted at the end of every day because I have fought hard. And some days I don't even win.
Even though I am exhausted all the time, and am constantly in battle for my heart, I know that I wouldn't go home. I need to be here. I need Africa. I need to know what it feels like to not be in the comfort of home. I need to know what it's like to be lonely. Because that's when my desire for the Father is at it's most. I can't get that at home. I can't get any of the things that i've needed to learn for a long time in America.
I miss all of my friends and family back home. And being on the internet has made me see them and see that they are living life just fine without me, and that makes my heart hurt. I often find myself wanting to be back home and dying a strand of my hair pink(ya'll know who you are) or just sitting and talking with people I am close with. Soooo. In saying that, it's not good for me to keep feeling like that. It's distracting and taking away from what I need to focus on. Which is furthering the Kingdom. In saying that…i'm not using internet for the next month. And also we are leaving for the Bush on Wednesday, and then debrief. So I won't have a lot of time anyways. It's perfect timing.
Right now i'm just in a state of being molded. God's chipping off pieces of me that aren't of Him, and replacing them with pieces that resemble His Son. Like I said earlier, it's not all fun and games here. Trust me. Ask anyone on my team right now. But I have faith and hope that it's going to be worth it. Africa doesn't need me. Seriously, it doesn't. Yeah, I'm a nice white girl who will smile at you, give you a hug, and then share Christ with you. But in reality, that's not changing Africa. But Africa is definitley changing me.
Even though i'm always exhausted, frustrated, and often lonely…I know this is what I've needed to do for a while. And in America i've been able to run away from being molded. But in Africa, you can't run away from God. You just can't. I pray that God is looking down on me right now and saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And if He is, that's all I could ever ask for. Hearing those words will make EVERYTHING worth it.
In Christ,
Madison Myrick
