I never expected to be thrown into this divine cycle of exposure, freedom, brokenness, and utter joy. Each day I am given, Jesus exposes my heart and purges it, leaving a glorious freedom within my soul. Then, in the midst of service, I become broken. My will is redirected towards the Father and his children rather than myself. In those moments in which I forget about myself, I enounter true joy. I know that true joy because True Love graciously consumes me with it.
I've had a recurring image in my head the last few days. It's come while I'm serving, worshipping, and communing. In one moment I'm me as a nineteen year old and in the next I become a five year old boy. All my worries, fears, anxieties, and responsibilities fade and are replaced by innocence, joy, and a childlike trust. The five year old boy is excitedly laughing as he runs to Jesus. Then Jesus scoops the boy up in his arms and embraces him as if its been years since they've seen each other. The boy is then permeated with shalom as he lays his head against Jesus' heart. The boy knows he is loved, and because of this, he is able to love Jesus in return.
Many people often know that Jesus loves them in their head, but their hearts do not honestly believe it. They sing how strongly his love for them is, yet as they go to sleep at night, they believe they are another orphan in this brutal world. I'm often one of these. But my Daddy does not stop pursuing me. He just looks down at me as a little five year old boy and says:
"My beloved child, I don't love you for who you are; I love you because I love you. I do not need
a reason to love you because my love is not rooted in reason. My love transcends justice. My love
is beyond your comprehension. Just accept it. Let me reverse the wounds and callouses that
have been in you longer than you even know. It will hurt, but do not fear child. I am with you always
Always and forever. Let your heart be open; let it burst in my presence. Then you will be able to love
beyond your capacity; then you will undersatnd a little more of my love, and you will reflect that love
to my other children. Be patient, yet urgent. Strive for me and all that I can give, but experience
each moment that I bring to its fullest. I love you son."
