I am very competitive. I always want to be the best and I always want to be involved in everything. I want to experience everything. When I don't, part of me feels like I have failed. I have felt for a long while that I must be the elite within some nonexistent spiritual stratification. If I do not perform to a level near Jesus, then I am a failure. But that is not how God views me. He asks, "Do you know the way you move me?" Say what Abba?! "You move me just because of who you are. You are my beloved without any actions. You warm my heart just with your life. The only time my heart breaks because of you, is when you agree with the lie that you must perform well to please me. Brennen, you are loved because you are loved."
I have listened to a lie that has said I need to perfect orthodoxy and orthopraxy in order to become a true child of God. But thanks to a God who loves us so much, he exposed the truth and is ripping that lie out of my heart. Freedom is here.
This past week, I experienced the Lord in completely new ways. The first night, I witnessed a war. The African Church is fighting a darkness that has permeated their lands and they are not going to lose. The next day, we were going to evanglize and I was elated to be a part of the battle, but did not quite expect what God had planned for us.
My group went with our translators and began telling the villagers about the love of Jesus and the life he brings. The first lady we spoke with accepted Jesus and asked us if we could pray for her headache. We prayed for a complete healing over her, and that Jesus would reveal more of his love for her through the healing. When we finished, she had no headache. The next woman, had a ridiculously infected finger (inflamed at least three times its original size). She asked for prayer and we told her that Jesus wanted to heal her, but that she would need to trust in him (she was previously a Muslim). She wanted the love of Jesus and began crying out to him. We prayed with her for about 20 minutes and saw her wound open up and the infection drain out. She had found a savior and he healed her. Another instance was with a boy and his father. We witnessed God increasing a boy's hearing and speech, the healing of malaria in a baby, and a complete healing of arthiritis in a woman's hands. Through all of this, these villagers were understanding that Jesus loved them and wanted to talk with them, comfort them, and restore them. They were shown love, because it was not any performance of ours, but a genuine care that the Lord had for them.
Miracles are not dead. They are also done entirely because of love. Because of love, God wants to use us for salvations, for healings, for freedom. More than any of this, he wants us to know in the depths of our hearts that we are loved. It's not by any performance, but by love.
I also realize that I've said the word love a lot in this post, but how can I say anything else? I'm understanding that God truly loves me. As I'm grasping hold of truth, I cannot think of anything except this: Jesus loves me. He really loves me. And I pray that everyone who reads this will understand how much he loves you.
